By BikeSnobNYC
Last night, I found myself watching The Grand Illusion, French director Jean Renoir’s 1937 masterpiece about World War I. This may sound impressive, but I was only killing time before Boat Trip starring Cuba Gooding Jr. and Horatio Sanz came on. Anyway, at one point Lieutenant Maréchal is talking to a vaudevillian, and he says:
“Theater’s too deep for me. I prefer bicycling. You follow the Tour de France?”
I am similarly shallow, which is why I too follow the Tour de France, and which is also why I will be bringing you shallow Tour de France–related posts on this website for the duration of the race.
At the same time, though, the Tour de France is theater, which is precisely what makes it so enjoyable. And when you go to the theater, it helps if you have the right expectations. For example, you should know that, unlike the movies, theater actors will actually stop acting when you throw Milk Duds at them—and they won’t even give you your money back afterwards. Similarly, if you follow the Tour de France with the wrong expectations you will be disappointed, but if you know what you’re getting into ahead of time you will be delighted.
Here are some things you should probably come to terms with going in that will make your Tour-following experience more enjoyable:
Alberto Contador Is Going to Win Again
By now we’ve heard all the reasons why Tour de France victory is far from assured for Alberto Contador:
—He’s tired from the Giro
—He’s got a big date with the Court of Arbitration for Sport after the race and the stress is getting to him
—There’s a Team Time Trial on Stage 2. Andy Schleck’s Leopard Trek (pronounced LAY-oh-pard Trek) team has Fabian Cancellara and Jens Voigt. Saxo Bank has two Sörensens and a guy named Jesus
—French cycling fans have welcomed him about as warmly as French farmers welcomed McDonald’s
I’m not convinced any of these will be a factor. First of all, if Contador found the Giro tiring it sure didn’t look like it—he traipsed through that race like Silvio Berlusconi making the rounds at a strip club, and he gave away stage wins like lap dances in the process. Plus, the whole tainted steak thing didn’t seem to be causing him too much consternation either. Mental stress can have the same energy-sapping effect as brake rub, but at this point Contador’s brakes have been rubbing so long I doubt he even notices it anymore.
As for the respective strengths of the teams, if Contador was able to win past Tours while “sharing” with the likes of Lance Armstrong and Alexandre Vinokourov, then clearly he can win with anybody. It’s unlikely the booing will matter much either, since I don’t think Contador very much cares whether or not people like him—if he did he wouldn’t do that irritating “fingerbang” thing.
Meanwhile, Andy Schleck doesn’t seem to have the same capacity for ruthlessness. Consider “Chaingate.” After Contador rode away from him on Stage 15, Schleck said “my stomach is full of anger.” However, he acted more like I do when my stomach is full of dessert, which is to say he got all docile and cuddly, and by the end of Stage 17 they were hugging and kissing on the top of the Tourmalet.
Cycling fans love to see the reigning champion dethroned. Sure, there could be an upset, and Contador could indeed finally reach his limits and lose the Tour, but don’t go in expecting this to happen.
Jamie E. Davis Erin N. Gemmill Jerry P. Dwyer Maria B. Moore Francene W. Hicks Darnell W. Goodlow
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